1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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