Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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