I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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