All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
