i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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