Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize