Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
