I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
