Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
