I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
