What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
