im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
