I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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