I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
