I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
two words...techno handjob
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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