She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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