I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
