I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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