I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
