The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
