I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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