In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
