Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
