Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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