I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
