I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
