Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
