So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
