My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
