Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My penis needs a shock collar
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
