you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
