My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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