I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
