you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
