Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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