The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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