She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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