i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
