Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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