im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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