I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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