i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk is not a location!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
