i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
