it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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