Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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