Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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