You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
