The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
