i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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