i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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