3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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