i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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