so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
