why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
