So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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