I'm sorry my penis didn't work
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
