Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
