She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
