I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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