Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
