2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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