I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
