Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
