the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
