i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
