Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
