someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
