My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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