Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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