I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
