I hate all girls vehemently.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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