this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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