just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
